We are bussing out of this joint in 2 hours, and in honor of our home of three weeks, I bring to you: Best of Buenos Aires 2009 (results from popular vote of one, ME, because I run this blog and don’t you forget it)
Best Restaurant Owner: Gay New Jerseyan Kevin, owner of Empire Thai, because he sat with us for three hours and told us facts about history, called Maradona a “horse’s ass,” and let us sample his fancy schmancy vodka
Best Serious Statue That Looks Ridiculous Now That a Pigeon Landed on Its Head:
Best Waiter: tie between Julio at Café Victoria for his absolute sincerity and the fact that he doesn’t try to creep on girls like all the other waiters there/ the African kid at Pizza Libre, because he smiles like he means it and doesn’t give us attitude when we ask for the bill
Best Effort After a Long Day: the exhausted guy who could barely squeak out an “hermosssaaa” as we passed… man, you can only creep on so many chicks before you just get tired, you know?
Best Billboard: Looking closely is worth your time.
Best Ignoring of Personal Space: the entire populace of this city. This is one cultural adjustment I may never make.
Best Dream World: Alvear Palace Hotel. Additional thanks for letting us walk through all the prom gowns and pretend like we belonged there. And for the fact that we stole some minor items from the bathroom.
Best Musician: Our esteemed neighbor Jose Cullen!
Best Jewish Family Taking an Awkward Family Photo:
Best Douchey Line in a Bar: “Typical Americans,” from Gabriel “Like the Angel” Argentine, when we wouldn’t go dancing with him. Querido Gabriel; time for me to let you in on a little nationalistic newsflash of my own. In America, guys have to think of something more interesting to say than “do you like this band?” before girls will dance with them. Sorry brah.
Best Baked Pumpkin Filled with Pancetta, Corn and Cheese: Bodega Campo, when can I move in?
Best Waste of a Work Day: tie between our apartment doorman and the Argentine postal service
Best Gift from a Stranger: the piece of candy Marlo picked up for an old lady who dropped it on the sidewalk, who was then so touched that Marlo bothered that she gave it to her. Marlo is now keeping it as a good-luck charm
Best Accidental English Mangling: referring to the Catholic church as a cult. Friendly reminder, not all cognates translate directly!
Best Grave at Recoleta: three way tie between Evita/ the one with a real human leg bone just sitting in its busted up coffin/ the sassy statue of a leaning man
Best Reminder That Hipsters are the Same Everywhere: the angsty band we saw at La Cigale; 3 out of 4 had plaid flannel shirts and all had skinny jeans. We were so loudly enamored with their Capitol Hill look that they tracked us down after the show to give us a free CD.
Best Lack of Decision Making on a Hairstyle: this guy. Can’t choose between a mullet, rattail, Mohawk or just a normal buzz? Yeah, just do all four.
Best Deal on Artichokes: 10 for 12 pesos
Best Vitamin C Bomb: the guys who squeeze you 8 oranges on the spot.
Best Unidentified Dance Move While Drinking Wine Out of a Mug: Marlo A. Hartung.